I’m not very good at looking back and reflecting on where I have come from and how much I have progressed. I’m currently training for my first Olympic distance triathlon and I feel like I should be farther along than where I currently am. I am terrible about comparing myself with others and rarely compare myself to who I was yesterday or the day before.
This past Sunday, I had a two hour bike ride. For most of the ride, I was hanging with my group, doing 18-20 mph. I was feeling pretty good and then we circled the local airport and that’s when I fell behind. My legs felt good and I even ate for the first time on the bike, so I wasn’t sure what was going on. I dropped to about 16-17 mph for a couple of miles. I was able to catch up with the other girls eventually, but I’m sure they slowed down for me. We got back up to a sailing 21-22 mph for a couple of miles and that was awesome. However, I lost my drafting position and fell back once we made a right-hand turn into the homestretch. I finished my ride doing 17-18 mph into a headwind.
When I rolled back into the parking lot, my teammates were already there, obviously. And then I couldn’t unclip from my pedals. (I have been having issues with these things since I bought them over a year ago.) My teammates were super encouraging and kept saying how great I did. I was so frustrated with myself and my bike that I just brushed it off. They went out for another 20 miles. I wanted to go with them, but since it wasn’t on my training schedule, I didn’t. Don’t want to over-train, right? Ugh… My girls kicked ass though!!
Instead of being discouraged with my ride, I should have reflected on the positives: I completed the whole thing; I didn’t get a flat; I didn’t crash and burn; I held my fastest pace to date for a long time (for me); and I have great teammates who encourage and push me to be better. I am hitting new PR’s with every workout! Longest distances, fastest times, even my running is improving! I think I’m on the verge of that magical “click” I’ve been waiting for with my run since I had to break it all down and learn proper running form.
Later in the afternoon, I found the photo on the left. It could have only been an act of God because I have NO CLUE how that thing made the 3,000 mile journey across the country. I did not bring everything I own with me and I don’t remember packing this picture either. It is a great reminder to me of how far I have actually come. I feel as though I need to focus more on that rather than where I feel I should be. I have dropped 80 pounds and am in the best shape of my life. I am still losing weight and becoming even more healthy and fit. God has truly blessed me with the abilities to do these activities which the girl on the left would have never even dreamed of.
I have been hit with a lot of negativity lately, in all aspects of my life. Unfortunately, it broke me down and my mental game is off. But today is a new day and I am going to be positive. I will not allow the mockery and negative attitudes towards my lifestyle and who I am get me down. Those people are hurting in their lives for one reason or another and are trying to bring me down with them. Misery loves company, right? Not with me!
I have come SO FAR within a year and I will continue to grow and go further. I just need to trust in God and His timing and trust that I am exactly where I need to be in life. I also need to stop comparing myself to others – I am where I need to be right now physically, financially, emotionally, and mentally. I am not perfect by any means and have a ton of room for improvement, but that will come in time.
I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: I have AMAZING family and friends who continue to support and encourage me in everything that I do. And the women I train with are exceptional and constantly and continually inspire me. I am going to do my best to block all the negativity – I’m working on becoming a better version of myself. And I’ll repeat my own words to myself that I pray encourages others when I say it to them: “I’VE GOT THIS!!”