envyEnvy is a dark feeling that always leaves us wanting more. As greedy Americans, we always want bigger and better things. Most of it is just materialistic stuff, but some of it isn’t. Everyone at some point in their life wants something that someone else possesses but cannot have themselves. I am no exception to this statement.

My wants are growing as I get older. You would think that I would be less greedy, but no.

I would love a new road bike for my triathlon races. It doesn’t have to be a $10,000 tri bike, but a $2,000 road bike will do. I bought mine when I started this sport two years ago. It was used and I got it for $500. There is nothing wrong with it. I just want something prettier and faster, because it’s obviously the vehicle and not the operator.

Who doesn’t want a new car? All the time? I LOVE my car, but I wish I could upgrade. Don’t tell Icebox! She has been with me for eight years and has moved me clear across the country. She too, has no issues, just a lot of miles. She runs like a champ and for now she’s safe. I pray that I don’t get turned in when I’m old!

My envy branches out to ability as well. I grew up playing sports, but I wasn’t gifted with natural athleticism. I had to work hard for everything, and I still do. Oh how I wish I could look like an effortless gazelle while running long distances! Instead, I look like an elephant trudging through peanut butter. I’m still waiting for rockets to come out of the heels of my shoes when clicked together.

I know that there is more that I envy, but I always remind myself to be grateful for what I have, where I have come from, and who I am. Yes, I have had to work hard to get to where I am today, but if I didn’t learn that valuable lesson, I wouldn’t be who I am. I do not fault anyone for having things that I do not have. They have been blessed and I am blessed as well.

I have a bike I can ride, legs I can run on, a car I can drive, air in my lungs, support of my family and friends, independence that is all mine, and a gracious God who has given it all to me. For all of this, I am truly blessed and thankful. I know I will always want more of something. That’s a flaw that I struggle with daily. But I am happy where I am and happy to be me. And who knows… maybe someone out there is even envious of me and I don’t even know it. I’m working on being present in my own life and not anyone else’s. There is nothing wrong with my life. In fact, it’s pretty damn amazing.